she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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