Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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