Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
