Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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