I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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