i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
