...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
