grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
