Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
