Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
