That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool