if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.