I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now