I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....