I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dicks are not precious.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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