Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize