I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
