i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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