I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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