my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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