i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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