Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail