I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
