Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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