Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
