im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom