im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast