drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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