Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n