I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.