he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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