I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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