he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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