he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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