i jhust puked up my retainher.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
