I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
