don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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