im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
