sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
