I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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