you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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