I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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