is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
