If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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