NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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