best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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