Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
