You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
