Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
