I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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