I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
