Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
