guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
