Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
