I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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