Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
