you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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