he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
