I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
