i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
