Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
