you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
