Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
