dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
