The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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