stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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