Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
