Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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