so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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